# What's your favorite lines from tv shows?



## Agatha Mystery (Feb 12, 2002)

I've got a few. I just saw a rerun of one of my favorites. 

From Criminal Minds, Prentiss is taking about her cat, Sergio, whom she passed off as her new boyfriend, when talking to her therapist. She says to Hotch, "He is the perfect man. He doesn't hog the covers, and he poops in a box."

There are too many from Firefly for me to just them all. 

So what are your favorite lines?


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## Alfer (Aug 7, 2003)

A ton from Seinfeld. "No soup for you!"..."I was in the pool!"..."I am master of my domain".

Many other shows and many other lines but not enough space to list them all.


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## MikeMar (Jan 7, 2005)

Insert many Seinfeld and Friends lines here 

And a lot of Simpsons ones as well!


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## jollygrunt777 (Feb 28, 2012)

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny! ...You bastards!"


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## NashvilleKat (Dec 25, 2013)

Al Bundy said it.


> Women, you can't live with them. The end.


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## trainman (Jan 29, 2001)

My favorite line from TV this season was from "Bob's Burgers":

"I think slumber parties are the cat's pajamas. Especially when I'm wearing my cat pajamas."


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## sharkster (Jul 3, 2004)

"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Elaine Benes
Seinfeld - from the 'Hamptons' episode

I probably have a ton of them from Seinfeld.


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## NashvilleKat (Dec 25, 2013)

sharkster said:


> "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
> 
> Elaine Benes
> Seinfeld - from the 'Hamptons' episode
> ...


The whole conversation is priceless:



> Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?
> 
> Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?
> 
> ...


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## sharkster (Jul 3, 2004)

That whole 'Hamptons' episode was classic. There were so many funny bits.

That one, along with 'The Contest' are my two favorite Seinfeld episodes.


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## pahunt (Apr 7, 2003)




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## WhiskeyTango (Sep 20, 2006)

From Alf:

(After electrocuting himself with a hair dryer in the bathtub, Alf thought he was insurance salesman Wayne Schlagel from Michigan Life and Casualty. He thought Willie had taken his clothes.)



> "You're not my buddy. But you could've been...if you hadn't taken my pants."


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## gweempose (Mar 23, 2003)

My wife and I quote lines from Friends all the time. It helps that we've probably seen every episode at least 5 times.


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## doom1701 (May 15, 2001)

I'll add a more serious one, from Star Trek TNG: The Wounded:

"When one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable, like... like old leather. And finally... becomes so familiar that one can't ever remember feeling any other way."


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## DavidJL (Feb 21, 2006)

From Firefly:


Bandit #1: "And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus."

(Husband) Jayne: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."

(Wife) Mal: "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?"

(Husband) Jayne: "If I could make you purtier, I would."

(Wife) Mal: "You are not the man I met a year ago." (they suddenly draw their guns on the bandits, Mal slowly pulling his bonnet off)

Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you."

From Justified

(Duffy laying flat)

Raylan drops the bullet on Duffy and says, The next ones comin faster


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

There's this whole exchange on the West Wing between some intern, Ainsley Hayes, and Sam Seabourne about how Sam objectifies women that just cracks me up every time.


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## Jolt (Jan 9, 2006)

King of Queens " Son of a Mother!" I always say it.


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## smak (Feb 11, 2000)




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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

NashvilleKat said:


> Al Bundy said it.


How about "Women, you can't live with them ... pass the peanuts" -- Norm.


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

My all time favorite is "As God is my witness ... I thought turkeys could fly", followed closely by "What's up, Norm? -- My nipples -- it's freezing out there."


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## Jolt (Jan 9, 2006)

wprager said:


> My all time favorite is "As God is my witness ... I thought turkeys could fly", followed closely by "What's up, Norm? -- My nipples -- it's freezing out there."


LMAO The turkey episode was awesome lol


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## dwells (Nov 3, 2001)

Jolt said:


> King of Queens " Son of a Mother!" I always say it.


We have a ton from King of Queens as well- such as "you just love your Lou Ferrigno, don't you????"


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## Doggie Bear (Jan 16, 2008)

I love the end of Raylan Givens' facedown of Wynn Duffy in the episode "Full Commitment" of JUSTIFIED:



Spoiler



The next time we have a conversation, there won't _be_ a conversation.​
... which is followed up in a subsequent episode "The Gunfighter," when another Deputy Marshal drags a reluctant Givens to interrogate Duffy. Givens says he doesn't to go because the last time he talked to Duffy, he told him about the no conversation next time. The other Marshal says Duffy won't remember the remark and anyway, if he does, just say it's a different conversation.

So when they find Duffy, the first thing Duffy says to Givens is, "I recall the last time we spoke, you said 'the next time we have a conversation, there won't be a conversation."

Givens looks relatively nonplussed and then says "This is a different conversation."


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## Demandred (Mar 6, 2001)

"You're the AT&T of people!"


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## Hunter Green (Feb 22, 2002)

You're right about too many from _Firefly _but nevertheless I have to go with "My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."


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## MikeMar (Jan 7, 2005)

trainman said:


> My favorite line from TV this season was from "Bob's Burgers":
> 
> "I think slumber parties are the cat's pajamas. Especially when I'm wearing my cat pajamas."


SO MANY Bob's Burgers quotes!

Its not a lie if you tell it to vegetarians. You taught us that!
I did teach you that.


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## MikeMar (Jan 7, 2005)

gweempose said:


> My wife and I quote lines from Friends all the time. It helps that we've probably seen every episode at least 5 times.


haha yeah same here! but change 5 to like 50 

some of our fav's

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!
PIZZA, we like PIZZA, dammit Carl!


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## vman41 (Jun 18, 2002)

If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak.


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

Lots of M*A*S*H quotes come to mind, here's one:

"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

Here's the full "Live Turkey Broadcast":



> *Les:* The... the crowd is uh... curious but well behaved. And I think I hear something now. Uh... The crowd is moving out into the parking area. And... oh yes! I can see it now. It's a... it's a... helicopter and it's coming this way!
> *Andy:* A helicopter?
> *Les:* It's flying something behind it and I can't quite make it out. It's a large banner and it says H A P P Y... T H A N K S... giving... from W... K... R... P! What a sight, ladies and gentlemen. What a sight. The 'copter seems to circling the parking area now. I guess it's looking for a place to land. No! Something just came out of the back of a helicopter. It's a dark object, perhaps a skydiver plummeting to the earth from only two thousand feet in the air... There's a third... No parachutes yet... Those can't be skydivers. I can't tell just yet what they are but... Oh my God! They're turkeys! Oh no! Johnny can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! This is terrible! Everyone's running around pushing each other. Oh my goodness! Oh, the humanity! People are running about. The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Folks, I don't know how much longer... The crowd is running for their lives. I think I'm going to step inside. I can't stand here and watch this anymore. No, I can't go in there. Children are searching for their mothers and oh, not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this. I don't know how much longer I can hold my position here, Johnny. The crowd...


OMG I miss that show. Will they ever get it on Netflix?


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## sharkster (Jul 3, 2004)

Ha! The WKRP turkey thing is classic.

I agree that M*A*S*H and Friends both had a million great quotes. Both are big favorites of mine. I've seen every M*A*S*H episode so many times I just couldn't watch anymore. 

I've seen every Friends episode at least a dozen times so far. Such great characters and it never felt like they got anywhere near any jumping of the shark.


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## awsnyde (May 11, 2007)

wprager said:


> How about "Women, you can't live with them ... pass the peanuts" -- Norm.


Or Larry from _Newhart_: Women, you can't live with them, you can't put them in a sack.

And as others have mentioned, a ton from _The Simpsons_, including a simple one from Homer like: Be more funny!


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## awsnyde (May 11, 2007)

...and I should add, I've only seen that episode of _Newhart_ once, when it originally aired, and I still remember that line.


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

The Colonel, from "Soap":

My mind's sharp as a tack, knock on wood <raps his knuckles on the table top> .. Come in!"

And how many times have you actually used this one yourselves: "Missed it by >this< much."

Who can forget "I'll be in my bunk"? Or how about "I've made a huge mistake."


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## JYoung (Jan 16, 2002)

From Cheers:

Cliff Clavin: What's the matter, Norm?
Norm Peterson: Uh, oh, nothing. Just that my shorts are binding up on me.
Cliff Clavin: Just stand up and straighten them out.
Norm Peterson: Nah. I'll give 'em five minutes. Sometimes they self-correct.
Diane Chambers: The level of conversation in this bar could not sink any lower.
[Dave Richards walks into the bar]
Dave Richards: [to Diane] Hiya wonderbuns.
Diane Chambers: "Going down"!

and from Scrubs:

Dr. Molly Clock: Perry, no one's pure evil, I mean yeah some people have a hard outer shell, but inside everybody has a creamy center.
Dr. Perry Cox: There are, plenty of people here, on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and hard on the inside!
Dr. Molly Clock: So they have more of a nougaty center?
Dr. Perry Cox: Lady. People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
Dr. Molly Clock: I'm touching your creamy center!
Dr. Perry Cox: Oh I am so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.

Dr. Cox: I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh... Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O.C.', the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything - eve - everything that exists - past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.


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## sharkster (Jul 3, 2004)

I loved Dr Cox's tirades! He was hilarious.

I clearly remember the 'bastard coated bastards with bastard filling' line. LMAO


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## Numb And Number2 (Jan 13, 2009)

Yo Renny!​


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## LoadStar (Jul 24, 2001)

Two from Firefly:
"Looks like we got here just in time. What does that make us?"
"BIG DAMN HEROES."
"Ain't we just?"

And...
"I can kill you with my brain."


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## betts4 (Dec 27, 2005)

wprager said:


> Lots of M*A*S*H quotes come to mind, here's one:
> 
> "I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"


:up:


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## jsmeeker (Apr 2, 2001)

I'll be in my bunk.


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## zordude (Sep 23, 2003)

They're real, and they're fabulous


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## StacieH (Jan 2, 2009)

From Veronica Mars:

Meg: You believe me, right?

Veronica: You are the last good person here at Neptune High. I believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.


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## Numb And Number2 (Jan 13, 2009)

zordude said:


> They're real, and they're fabulous


They weren't fabulous they were spectacular.


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## StacieH (Jan 2, 2009)

Oh, and from The Big Bang Theory:

"PLEASE PASS THE BUTTER!!"


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## jsmeeker (Apr 2, 2001)

jollygrunt777 said:


> "Oh my God! They killed Kenny! ...You bastards!"


More from there...

"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be all like 'Hey, Woman! Get your ***** ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!'"


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## Edmund (Nov 8, 2002)

One of my all time favorites is a exchange between Jim Rockford and SGT Becker, on some info Rockford got from a guy at Army Psychiatric Hospital:

Becker- "a Doctor?", Rockford- "a Patient" 

Becker "an inmate?, Rockford- "a trustee"

Becker- "a banana" Rockford rolls his eyes


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## zordude (Sep 23, 2003)

Numb And Number2 said:


> They weren't fabulous they were spectacular.


/hangs head in shame


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## Mr. Soze (Nov 2, 2002)

Some of my faves, just from Scrubs. The first two I use a LOT IRL. 2nd with my name of course.

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, this is not Bring Your Problems to Work Day. This is just Work Day.

==========

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! How ya doin'.

==========

Jordan: You know, one of the reasons I divorced Perry was because of his last name.
Elliot: You don't like Cox?
Jordan: Actually, I love Cox.
(Todd enters.)
Todd: Greatest conversation ever.
Jordan: See, that's the problem.
Female: [offscreen] This sausage is huge!
Todd: Excuse me, ladies. I'm needed elsewhere.
(Todd exits.)

============

Melody O'Harra: Well... it's official: I am the only single sorority sister left. I guess it's true what they say: first one to be in a threesome, last one to get married.

Dr. Christopher Turk: Damn!

[beats one hand over the table where Doug is sitting at, pouring Doug's coffee over him]

Dr. Christopher Turk: I'm sorry, she just said she was in a threesome.

Dr. Doug Murphy: [having the same reaction as Turk's, and so forth] Damn!

male nurse: Damn!

surgeon: Damn!

Snoop Dogg Resident: [out of frame] Damn!

Melody O'Harra: I just don't want to end up like my aunt Sheila and get married and have a kid when I'm 50; I mean, you find a tooth in that house, you don't know whose mouth it fell out of.

J.D.: Oh...

Melody O'Harra: Sometimes I wonder, you know, if I'm ever actually going to find someone, you know?

J.D.: Yeah... Now, was it two girls and a guy, or a devil's threesome?

Melody O'Harra: All-girl.

Dr. Christopher Turk: [as J.D. lifts coffee cups from the table, he beats both his hands on it] Damn! Sorry...


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## awsnyde (May 11, 2007)

StacieH said:


> From Veronica Mars:
> 
> Meg: You believe me, right?
> 
> Veronica: You are the last good person here at Neptune High. I believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.


Which reminds me of another favorite, as Veronica is changing a tire on her car:

Troy: Flat?
Veronica: Just as God made me.

That's the best, but it continues on from there:

Troy: Are you always this persnickety?
Veronica: Sometimes I'm even persnicketier.


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## Legion (Aug 24, 2005)

Archer - "Just the tip."

Firefly - "I am guessing you werent burdoned with an over abundance of schooling."

Firefly - "Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell."

Firefly - "Oh, but you did! You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! But since that's a concept you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place here. [Pause.] You did it to me, Jayne. And that's a fact."


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

Here's The West Wing Exchange

Sam Seborn: Hello, there she is. Celia. I asked Ainsley and she said she didn't mind at all plus Charlie said it's fine with him.
Celia: Charlie's a man.

Charlie: Damn right

Ainsley Hayes continues with business&#8230;It's important

Sam: I also think it's important to make it clear that I'm not a sexist.

Charlie: And that I'm all man.

Ainsley: You're Celia.

Celia: Yes.

Ainsley: He's not a sexist.

Celia: If you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

Ainsley: I'm sorry.

Celia: I said, I'm surprised that you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

Ainsley: I don't even know what that means.

Celia: I think you do.

Ainsley: And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something that offends you, tell them, but all women don't have to think alike.

Celia: I didn't say they did and when someone said something that offended me I did say so.

Ainsley: I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect I'm on the team and I don't mind it when it gets sexual and you know what, I like sex.

Charlie: Hello.

Ainsley. I don't think whatever sexuality I am have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it.

Celia: And what kind of feminism do you call that?

Ainsley: My kind.

Woman in background: It's called lipstick feminism. I call it stiletto feminism.

Sam: Stilettos?

Ainsley: You're not in enough trouble already?

Sam: I suppose I am.

Celia: Isn't the point the Sam wouldn't be able to find another way to be chummy with a woman who wasn't sexually appealing.

Ainsley: He would be able to but that isn't the point. The point is that sexual revolution tends to get in the way of actual revolution, nonsense issues distract attention away from real ones: Pay equity, child care, honest to god sexual harassment, and in this case, a speech in front of the UN General assembly, so you (to Sam) 25% on the assessments for category a, you (to Charlie) I don't know what your thing is, and you (to Celia) stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to get a cup cake.

Long pause:

Sam: Well, for the moment at least, I'm going to do what she's telling me to do.


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## DevdogAZ (Apr 16, 2003)

smak said:


>


:up: :up:

(see below)
\/ \/ \/ \/ \/


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## DevdogAZ (Apr 16, 2003)

One of my favorites from The Simpsons, probably because it hits a little too close to home:



> *Homer:* We're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
> *NFL Guy:* Hello, sir. I represent the Arizona Cardinals.
> *Homer:* Keep walkin'.


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## MikeMar (Jan 7, 2005)

DevdogAZ said:


> One of my favorites from The Simpsons, probably because it hits a little too close to home:


One of the best eps and had some many good lines was Lisa the Vegetarian

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
Lisa: [reading the invitation] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.
Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Bart: [musically] You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Bart, Homer: You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!


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## DevdogAZ (Apr 16, 2003)

MikeMar said:


> One of the best eps and had some many good lines was Lisa the Vegetarian
> 
> Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
> Lisa: [reading the invitation] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
> ...


The best exchange from that episode:








> *Homer:* Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
> *Lisa:* No.
> *Homer:* Ham?
> *Lisa:* No.
> ...


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## MikeMar (Jan 7, 2005)

DevdogAZ said:


> The best exchange from that episode:


Homer: "It's just a little dirty. It's still good, it's still good!"
Homer: "It's just a little slimy. It's still good, it's still good!"
Homer: "It's just a little airborne. It's still good, it's still good!"
Bart: [crestfallen] "It's gone."


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## pahunt (Apr 7, 2003)

I love this from the Simpsons episode "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer". I can't find it on YouTube unfortunately which spoils the effect somewhat but here's the script anyway:

:[Homer is in the lighthouse, and his silhouette is being projected into the sky by the lighthouse's lamp.]
Bart: [looking out a window and seeing the silhouette] "Hey, look! Is that Dad?"
Lisa: "Either that, or Batman's really let himself go!"


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## pgogborn (Nov 11, 2002)

Bart Simpson: "I didn't do It, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!"

Person of Interest opening titles: You are being watched. The government has a secret system, a machine that spies on you every hour of every day. I designed the machine to detect acts of terror but it sees everything. Violent crimes involving ordinary people. The Government considers these people "irrelevant". 

Francis Ewan Urquhart in the original version "You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment".

The Doctor:" Wibbly wobbly timey wimey".


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## jollygrunt777 (Feb 28, 2012)

Here's a timely one. 

"The lannisters send their regards."


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## NashvilleKat (Dec 25, 2013)

All together now.

*Norm!*


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## danielhart (Apr 27, 2004)

"Dracarys!"

"Say my name"

"I'm slinging mad volume and stacking fat Benjis....I can't be worried about spelling and sh*t..."

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Tapatalk


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## kaszeta (Jun 11, 2004)

"It's a faaaaaaaaaaake!"

Amazing how often we get to use that at work...


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## replaytv (Feb 21, 2011)

"You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'"
- Jerry in The Pilot

And for a movie...

"Release the Kraken!!!"

https://www.google.com/search?q=Rel...-energy-stocks-to-join-the-rally%2F;1600;1200


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## RangersRBack (Jan 9, 2006)

Dad was a huge Honeymooners fan - we watched them all the time when I was young.

Ralph and Norton are on a train going to a convention, and Norton winds up handcuffing them together for the train ride. Ralph is all mad because Norton keeps waking him, then:

Norton: 'Hey Ralph, mind if I smoke?'

Ralph: 'I don't care if you burn'


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## gossamer88 (Jul 27, 2005)

First time I ever heard this was on The Odd Couple:

Felix Unger: [to woman on witness stand] Ah... you *assumed*. My dear, you should never *assume*. You see, when you *assume*
[writes the word "assume" on a blackboard]
Felix Unger: , you make an *ass*... out of *you*... and *me*


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## Steveknj (Mar 10, 2003)

From the Honeymooners (paraphrasing)

Ralph (reading a beginners golf manual): Address the ball
Norton: Helloooo Ball!

Game Show MC: Ralph what do you do for a living
Ralph: I brive a dus

From All In the Family

Archie (speaking to Sammy Davis Junior) - You being colored, well, I know you had no choice in that. But whatever made you turn Jew?

Radar's speech announcing Henry Blake's Death.

From Seinfeld:


> George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp.





> Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
> Jerry: Wow.
> George Costanza: You're Batman.
> Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
> ...





> George Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
> Jerry: Mammal.
> George Costanza: Whatever.
> Cosmo Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
> ...


There are SO many to put here, those are three of my favorites.

M*A*S*H

The whole Radar/Col Blake dies speech.

Hawkeye (taking a group picture): Okay, now everyone take three steps to the left. Now, take three steps to the right. Perfect!!


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## jehma (Jan 22, 2003)

DevdogAZ said:


> :up: :up:
> 
> (see below)
> \/ \/ \/ \/ \/


Joey had the best lines in that show.

"You know, a moo point. Like a cow's opinion."


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## jehma (Jan 22, 2003)

Legion said:


> Archer - "Just the tip."
> 
> Firefly - "I am guessing you werent burdoned with an over abundance of schooling."
> 
> ...


Don't forget:

Firefly - "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

We use that one all the time. Actually, 90% of Firefly could be in this thread.


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## cheesesteak (Jul 24, 2003)

Book 'im, Dano.

You big dummy - Fred Sanford.
Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey - Fred Sanford

The Devil made me do it - Flip Wilson


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## markz (Oct 22, 2002)

From Dharma & Greg episode #1:

Greg's cellphone rings while he is in the shower. Dharma grabs his phone from his pants and answers "Greg's Pants. He's not in them right now!"

From Castle:

Castle: "I really am ruggedly handsome!"


From Burn Notice:

Sam Ax: "You know spies... A bunch of *****y little girls"


The last two are so good, they made it into the opening credits. I love when I see the actual episodes.


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## jehma (Jan 22, 2003)

markz said:


> From Dharma & Greg episode #1:
> 
> Greg's cellphone rings while he is in the shower. Dharma grabs his phone from his pants and answers "Greg's Pants. He's not in them right now!"


:up:


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

Archer:
PHRASING!


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## DavidJL (Feb 21, 2006)

Here's one that I'm not even 100% sure what it's from although I have a good idea.

A very jealous angry man who speaks broken english, I think an Italian accent, and he has trouble expressing his extreme anger because he only knows a few english phrases:

I KEEL you, I..I.. I KEEL you two times, I..I..I KEEL you til da cows come home, th..th..then I KEEL the cows.

I like to use it from time to time when I'm pretend angry.


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## midas (Jun 1, 2000)

San Francisco c**k sucker.


----------



## vman41 (Jun 18, 2002)

Then there's the Firefly/Seinfeld combo: "Serenity now!"


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## efilippi (Jul 24, 2001)

Norton: Can it core a apple?

I love that segment, so surprised that Ralph didn't succeed.


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## betts4 (Dec 27, 2005)

> SteveNJ
> 
> From Seinfeld:
> Quote:
> George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp.


I don't remember that one, but it's great!


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## jmenjes (Feb 2, 2003)

Sir, I protest. I am NOT a Merry Man!


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## Steveknj (Mar 10, 2003)

betts4 said:


> I don't remember that one, but it's great!


That's the episode where he beans Mickey Mantle. I always loved that speech


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## cheesesteak (Jul 24, 2003)

Homie The Clown: "Homie don't play that."


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## Lori (Feb 20, 2000)

"Anybody who can't make money off Sports Night should get out of the moneymaking business."

"Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word."
"Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy."


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## scooterboy (Mar 27, 2001)

I have to give my annual plea for someone (anyone!) to tell me where this comes from:

"With so many people telling me I'm wrong, I'd be a fool not to consider the possibility."

I've been trying to remember for years.

(it may have been a movie, so pardon the threadjack if it is)


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## kaszeta (Jun 11, 2004)

kaszeta said:


> "It's a faaaaaaaaaaake!"
> 
> Amazing how often we get to use that at work...


Discovered that my coworker hid this one in some firmware he's developing:



> Error Code VRNK: Firmware Verification Checksum Failure: It's a faaaaaaaaake!


(Note the error code...)


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## leeherman (Nov 5, 2007)

So many great ones here.

I've hardly ever watched The Simpsons, but I remember this as being one of my favorites:

Homer (separating Bart and Lisa who are fighting): Hey! What's the problem here?

Lisa: We were fighting over who loves you more.

Homer: You were? Aah ... Well, go ahead. [releases them]

Bart: You love him more.

Lisa: No you do!

LH


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## allan (Oct 14, 2002)

pgogborn said:


> Bart Simpson: "I didn't do It, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!"


Heh! I've used that one on my GF.


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## ADG (Aug 20, 2003)

There are so many it's hard to even remember them. But one that stands out in my mind is Jed Bartlett's first words in episode 1 of The West Wing. BEST ENTRANCE EVER.


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## efilippi (Jul 24, 2001)

And that line was ???


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## ADG (Aug 20, 2003)

Unless you watched the show or knew the whole setup it really wouldn't have the same impact, but to answer your question it was the First Commandment.


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## Lori (Feb 20, 2000)

efilippi said:


> And that line was ???


I am the Lord your God. Thou shallt worship no other God before me.


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## markymark_ctown (Oct 11, 2004)

I always enjoyed Norm's comebacks when he entered Cheers.

"It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."


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## ADG (Aug 20, 2003)

Lori said:


> I am the Lord your God. Thall shallt worship no other God before me.


Thanks for posting that Lori. What gave that scene and his line the greatest impact is that it was the end of the show and his first appearance on screen. As I said, GREAT Entrance!!!


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## scooterboy (Mar 27, 2001)

Makes me want to watch WW again from the beginning.


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## DreadPirateRob (Nov 12, 2002)

jehma said:


> Don't forget:
> 
> Firefly - "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"


That was the first one that came to mind.

My other Firefly favorites - all from Wash - that haven't already been mentioned:

"We gotta go to the crappy town where *I'm* a hero!"

"I can be terse. Once, in flight school, I was laconic."

"Oh, yeah! I definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down! Her legs, and right where her legs meet her back. That - actually that whole area. That and - and above it."

"Man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything."


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## GoHalos (Aug 30, 2006)

markymark_ctown said:


> I always enjoyed Norm's comebacks when he entered Cheers.
> 
> "It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."


:up:

Sam: "What are you up to Norm?"

Norm: "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."


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## markz (Oct 22, 2002)

jmenjes said:


> Sir, I protest. I am NOT a Merry Man!


Worf?



scooterboy said:


> Makes me want to watch WW again from the beginning.


Me too. So many shows I want to rewatch thanks to this thread!


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## smark (Nov 20, 2002)

"For me, it's been one continuous year since I got married. Actually, one long month: Helluary." - Al Bundy


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## ricks77 (Mar 16, 2004)

Jonathon Quayle Higgins: Oh..My..God!


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## MikeMar (Jan 7, 2005)

smark said:


> "For me, it's been one continuous year since I got married. Actually, one long month: Helluary." - Al Bundy


What movie did you get? - Al Bundy
Four Weddings and a Funeral - Peg
It's that 5 of the same thing? - Al


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## Fahtrim (Apr 12, 2004)

It's always sunny in Philadelphia has a crap ton of hilarious quotes, most not safe for work


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## Fahtrim (Apr 12, 2004)

Ian McKellan plays a wizard in the movies but he doesn't go home and shoot lightning up his boyfriend's .......


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## Fahtrim (Apr 12, 2004)

Hey-o, What's up [email protected]#$s


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## Fahtrim (Apr 12, 2004)

&#8220;No more half measures&#8221; 
- Mike Ehrmantraut


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## ADG (Aug 20, 2003)

scooterboy said:


> Makes me want to watch WW again from the beginning.


We do that every summer


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## jmenjes (Feb 2, 2003)

markz said:


> Worf?


Yep.


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## gossamer88 (Jul 27, 2005)

For some reason (I forget) Fred Sanford was expecting Lena Horne to visit. When the doorbell rings and he answers, it's Aunt Esther instead:

"That ain't Lena, that's somebody's Hyena!!"


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## JoeyJoJo (Sep 29, 2003)

Grandpa Simpson: "Son, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a stranger offers you a ride, I say take it!"

Woody: "whaddya say to a beer, Mr Peterson?"
Norm: "Going down"


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## JoeyJoJo (Sep 29, 2003)

gossamer88 said:


> For some reason (I forget) Fred Sanford was expecting Lena Horne to visit. When the doorbell rings and he answers, it's Aunt Esther instead:
> 
> "That ain't Lena, that's somebody's Hyena!!"


Again to Esther: "You ought to put your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies!"


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## Alfer (Aug 7, 2003)

The stuff Herbert the perv neighbor on Family Guy says always cracked us up.


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## dowalker (Sep 29, 2002)

Bob Newhart show

"Howard, the wall is not going to fall down."

"No thanks to you."


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## dowalker (Sep 29, 2002)

And since there are a lot of Norm quotes
Hey Norm, what's shaking?

All 4 cheeks and a couple of chins.


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## nooneuknow (Feb 5, 2011)

I only looked through the last few pages worth...

Criminal Minds - Just about any quote they re-quote.

Wilfred - The re-quotes at the beginning of each episode.

Perception - Anything Dr. Daniel Pierce says.

Dexter - "Welcome back detective f***ing Morgan!" - Nearly all the things Dexter thinks or says, plus over half of the other lines almost anybody says on Dexter.

In general - Any sentence that uses the word "indelible", while not actually speaking of it in terms of an ink.

It's hard to remember them all and pick out any favorites. But, I often find myself so lost in thought, that I miss the rest (pretty much the whole of) the show. I heart having a TiVo to pause and read all these, to back-up and get a repeat of them when I don't quite hear it right, and to actually stop thinking about how true the quotes/sayings are, how many ways they apply, and actually watch the show.


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## NorthAlabama (Apr 19, 2012)

from "the newsroom: bullies":


> *Jim:* Tell me about the complaint.
> *Maggie:* There was a desk producer who saw Will yell at me about something.
> *Jim: * What?
> *Maggie:* Doesn't matter.
> ...


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

One of my favorites from The Simpsons, from one of the Treehouse of Horrors episodes. Burns asks Smithers for an ice cream scoop and when Smithers questions the choice he says "It's nor rocket science, it's brain surgery."


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

Jocelyn: Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.
Way: It's called a lance. Hello?

Lots of good ones in A Knight's Tale.

EDIT: "horse and a stick" not "house and a stick" -- maybe I should spring for the real Swype keyboard; this Android one is not as clever.


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

Oops, just realized that is not a TV show.


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## Wil (Sep 27, 2002)

wprager said:


> Oops, just realized that is not a TV show.


But it's funnier than some of the lines quoted.


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## nooneuknow (Feb 5, 2011)

wprager said:


> "It's nor rocket science, it's brain surgery."


I think it would be "It's not brain science or rocket surgery", or " It's not rocket surgery, or brain science".

I've heard it both ways from multiple sources, and it's as old as blonde jokes...

Not trying to say you are wrong, just pointing out what I consider the ages-old ways the two mishmash together.


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## DevdogAZ (Apr 16, 2003)

nooneuknow said:


> I think it would be "It's not brain science or rocket surgery", or " It's not rocket surgery, or brain science". I've heard it both ways from multiple sources, and it's as old as blonde jokes... Not trying to say you are wrong, just pointing out what I consider the ages-old ways the two mishmash together.


Except in the context of the quote wprager was talking about, they were using the ice cream scoop to scoop out brains, so it was, in fact, brain surgery.


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## nooneuknow (Feb 5, 2011)

DevdogAZ said:


> Except in the context of the quote wprager was talking about, they were using the ice cream scoop to scoop out brains, so it was, in fact, brain surgery.


Ah, I see.


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## Steveknj (Mar 10, 2003)

I can't find the exact scripted quote, but Jeremy's interview for his gig on Sports Night is what got me hooked on the show.


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

Steveknj said:


> I can't find the exact scripted quote, but Jeremy's interview for his gig on Sports Night is what got me hooked on the show.


NAME 3 THINGS!
Dana Whitaker: Name three things.
Jeremy Goodwin: Improve their free-throw percentage...
Natalie: Yes.
Jeremy Goodwin: Run the floor...
Dana Whitaker: Okay. One more.
Jeremy Goodwin: Tell Spike Lee to sit down and shut up?
Natalie: Excellent!
Dana Whitaker: Well, welcome to Sports Night.


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## Steveknj (Mar 10, 2003)

Gunnyman said:


> NAME 3 THINGS!
> Dana Whitaker: Name three things.
> Jeremy Goodwin: Improve their free-throw percentage...
> Natalie: Yes.
> ...


Yep, that's the one!! From that moment on, I was hooked on that show.


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

Steveknj said:


> Yep, that's the one!! From that moment on, I was hooked on that show.


And made me a Josh Malina fan.


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

Another fantastic sports night scene from Malina


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## LoadStar (Jul 24, 2001)

Gunnyman said:


> Another fantastic sports night scene from Malina


And thank you, that scene contains a best line candidate:
"It's taken me a lot of years, but I've come around to this. If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you."


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## Regina (Mar 30, 2003)

wprager said:


> The Colonel, from "Soap":
> 
> My mind's sharp as a tack, knock on wood <raps his knuckles on the table top> .. Come in!"
> 
> ...


----------



## jehma (Jan 22, 2003)

Regina said:


> LOVED Soap!


:up:


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## TheSlyBear (Dec 26, 2002)

Regina said:


> LOVED Soap!


"I'm Gunga Din!"


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## Craigbob (Dec 2, 2006)

So many of my favorites have already been listed... 
But I thought I'd add this one.

"This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, .. or be destroyed." [in the White Star!]
"Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship."
"Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

nooneuknow said:


> I think it would be "It's not brain science or rocket surgery", or " It's not rocket surgery, or brain science".
> 
> I've heard it both ways from multiple sources, and it's as old as blonde jokes...
> 
> Not trying to say you are wrong, just pointing out what I consider the ages-old ways the two mishmash together.


I had it as one of the wav files on my Solaris box way back. I had it mostly correct (except for the Android keyboard "gestures" malfunction):

http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/damn-it-smithers-this-isnt-rocket-science-its-brain-surgery/


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## wprager (Feb 19, 2006)

Gunnyman said:


> Another fantastic sports night scene from Malina


Clicking on that led me to a few more -- looks like Sports Night is on YouTube:






I can't get it on Netflix, maybe I'll re-watch on YouTube and ChromeCast.


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## NashvilleKat (Dec 25, 2013)

The Bundy family credo: 

Hooters, Hooters, 
Yum, yum, yum. 
Hooters, Hooters 
On a girl that's dumb.


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## Mr. Soze (Nov 2, 2002)

wprager said:


> Clicking on that led me to a few more -- looks like Sports Night is on YouTube:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks for that, and reminding me of the lusting in my heart for Felicity Huffman.


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## replaytv (Feb 21, 2011)

NashvilleKat said:


> The Bundy family credo:
> 
> Hooters, Hooters,
> Yum, yum, yum.
> ...


If you want to clear a group of women just state that you love that show. The women will all look at each other, snort, and walk off. Leaving all the guys to talk about the size of the hooters of each of the women that have left!


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## Gunnyman (Jul 10, 2003)

Mr. Soze said:


> Thanks for that, and reminding me of the lusting in my heart for Felicity Huffman.


I was more into Sabrina Lloyd


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## Steveknj (Mar 10, 2003)

Gunnyman said:


> I was more into Sabrina Lloyd


Liked them both


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## Carlucci (Jan 10, 2001)

From Laverne and Shirley:

Shirley and Carmine "The Big Ragu" are making out on the couch. Lenny and Squiggy are constantly interrupting them. Carmine, out of frustration says:

"Look, if I give you 20 dollars, will you leave?"

and Squiggy replies in complete seriousness:

"Why would we leave someone who's giving us money?" 


I have remembered that quote my whole life, for some reason.


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## replaytv (Feb 21, 2011)

I was just watching Ellen with Clark Gregg as one of her guests. He said that his daughter went to a party with boys and she came home and told her dad ' I think I have a thirst for boys!' Clark told Ellen that they were going to try and 'delay quenching that thirst as long as possible.'


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## Robin (Dec 6, 2001)

Butter that bacon, boy!

Former gophers (Simpsons) 

There's really no story there. (Buffy re: puppets) 

A medium amount. (Veronica Mars)


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## MacThor (Feb 7, 2002)

"Walter, shut the **** up and let me die in peace."


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## NashvilleKat (Dec 25, 2013)

Al Bundy



> Women: can't live with them, can't herd them all to Canada.


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## Satchel (Dec 8, 2001)

One of my favorite lines is from 30 Rock

Jack (Alec Baldwin) is wearing a tuxedo and lamenting about the scheduling of a formal event.
Liz (Tina Fey) realizes the formal event is not that night.

Liz: It's not tonight? Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: Its after six..what am I a farmer?


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## Gregor (Feb 18, 2002)

"I'm the minister's daughter and you're just yellow trash"


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## sharkster (Jul 3, 2004)

This is probably kind of lame, but it cracks me up every time I re-visit it in my head because it's just so bizarre - 

One episode of Family Affair, a friend of Cissy's (whose husband was in the Army) was staying with them between apts or something. She was pregnant. One night she goes into labor. Cissy and Uncle Bill go to the hsp with her, but Buffy & Jody cannot sleep so they stay up late with Mr French. After everybody is back they all go to bed and sleep late.

Scene opens with them all at the table eating breakfast. Jody says (something like) if we are having breakfast at lunch time, will we have lunch at dinner time?

Buffy says 'Maybe we'll never catch up'. 

I guess it was just the execution or something, but it cracks me up to this day.


----------



## sharkster (Jul 3, 2004)

Oh, one more that I heard again recently from Seinfeld.

Elaine Benes (with a really bad Australian accent) - "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."


----------



## Inundated (Sep 10, 2003)

From WKRP...already quoted in full above:

"The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!"

More:

Dr. Johnny Fever after Les mispronounces a famous golfer's name, turning down the microphone: "That's Chi-Chi Rodriguez."
(pause)
Les, back on the air: "Hopefully, MISTER Rod-ree-gweez will score over par next time."

Jennifer, after Mr. Carlson asks her to get coffee: "I don't get coffee. We have an agreement."
Les: "How does she get AWAY with that?"
Herb: "Are you kidding?"


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## Edmund (Nov 8, 2002)

If it weren't for Hazel, George wouldn't change his socks!

That's disgusting Baxter!


----------



## gossamer88 (Jul 27, 2005)

Another one from WKRP:

A guy named Steel says to Les: I like to think that a person's name says a lot about the type of person he is. What was your name again?


----------



## DouglasPHill (Feb 10, 2005)

Perhaps today is a good day to die.


----------



## DreadPirateRob (Nov 12, 2002)

From S1 of Community:

Jeff: I'm saying you're a football player, its in your blood
Troy: That's racist
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That's racist
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay
Jeff: That's homophobic
Troy: That's black
Jeff: That's racist!
Troy: Damn


----------



## DavidTigerFan (Aug 18, 2001)

"To boldly go where no man/one has gone before"


----------



## replaytv (Feb 21, 2011)

Gilligan's Island (19641967)

Skipper Jonas Grumby: [upon finding a robot] Oh for goodness sakes, that's just what we needed. The tin fugitive from the Wizard of Oz.


----------



## Regina (Mar 30, 2003)

On the "Happy Days" ep where they introduced Laverne and Shirley, Laverne is flirting with Richie, and playfully reaches for his pocket square and says "Is that for show or for blow?" - my family still quotes that to this day!

On M*A*S*H, there is an ep where the MASH crew is having a party or doing something with the local orphanage and one of the orphans is hugging Klinger (who is in full regalia) and calls him "Mamasan" and he opens his dress and says, "Sorry kid-no maguffies!" We quote that all the time too...


----------



## Alfer (Aug 7, 2003)

What's a "pocket square"?


----------



## Regina (Mar 30, 2003)

Alfer said:


> What's a "pocket square"?


----------



## Alfer (Aug 7, 2003)

Ohh...I mistakenly call those a handkerchief.


----------



## DreadPirateRob (Nov 12, 2002)

You don't wear a handkerchief as a decorative piece in a suit coat. 

Of course, most people - even those who wear suits regularly - *don't* still wear pocket squares.


----------



## markymark_ctown (Oct 11, 2004)

DreadPirateRob said:


> Of course, most people - even those who wear suits regularly - still wear pocket squares.


Really? I rarely/never see people wearing pocket squares with suits.


----------



## DevdogAZ (Apr 16, 2003)

markymark_ctown said:


> Really? I rarely/never see people wearing pocket squares with suits.


Yeah, I assumed he forgot the word "don't" in his post. I only ever see pocket squares when someone is trying to look super stylish, and most of the time, at least in places I go, that's not the right message to send.


----------



## Steveknj (Mar 10, 2003)

markymark_ctown said:


> Really? I rarely/never see people wearing pocket squares with suits.


Me either. And I'm old


----------



## DreadPirateRob (Nov 12, 2002)

Yeah, I totally frakked that up. Most people don't wear pocket squares.


----------



## Philosofy (Feb 21, 2000)

Just for the pure shock value: On All In The Family, with Sammy Davis Jr. guest starring, Archie turns to him and says "I know you can't help being black, but what made you become a Jew?"


----------



## jon777 (May 30, 2002)

You should really wear more sweaters...



Spoiler



Last line from Newhart


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## Archangel00 (Aug 25, 2006)

"Don't scan my testicles, ever again"


----------

